Can't spell 'friend' without an 'end'

Props to my friend and psis Melissa Prompuntagorn for the title.

Recently, I've been thinking a lot about maintaining friendships. I'm so disappointed to say that I have lost several really good friends in my past. Lost one of my favorite friends quite recently too, which prompted this whole reminiscing thing.

I've made mistakes in the past. Who hasn't? I've said and done things I shouldn't have. What I also make sure I do, though, when I've made a mistake is I fix it. Or at least try to, especially when it comes to apologizing. I'm a big enough person to admit when I am wrong or when I've misunderstood (and people who can't need to grow up). But if the other simply can't take that apology for whatever reason, I shrug my shoulders and move on. In my opinion, there are very few actions in this world that are simply unforgivable or that can't simply be explained/clarified, so when someone wrongs me and apologizes, I don't find it hard to forgive and move on. Now, I don't forget because these mistakes are very important in life, but I won't hold grudges. For example, if you tell someone a secret I only told you and you apologize/rectify the situation, I'd forgive you, but I'd think twice before telling you a secret.

My best friend taught me to say what I feel and think unapologetically. I usually try to do so in a nice way, but sometimes I slip up and, when I realize I've slipped up, I apologize. I think in my way, when I apologize, I sort of hand myself over to you. The ball is completely in your court. But whatever you do with it, I'll survive. I've done the best I can and have no regrets. I might have messed up before, but if I tried to fix it or tried to clarify, then I feel that I've done what I can and that's that. It's not exactly the same thing as "I don't care if we're friends or not", because I obviously do care - that's why I apologize in the first place. It's more of a "Okay, well I don't really understand but I can't force you to think otherwise." It's more acceptance than dismissal, I suppose.

Friends come and go. That much is clear. But I always prefer to have friends go on friendlier terms. It certainly can't be the case every time, but I can sure try. And that's all I can really do.

Current music: Lady Gaga - Boys Boys Boys